You may have thought that I would be talking about communication, cultural differences, etc. Not this time. It is a very difficult subject to write about. I am talking about pornography. We must understand that it is not a sin that is set above the rest. We all have some addiction or false gods that we sometimes are subject to.
Ephesians 5:3 - 3 But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people.
Some of the stats I have been exposed to claim that:
It is said that (from various websites):
· The use of pornography increases the marital infidelity rate by more than 300%.
· 40 percent of people identified as “sex addicts” lose their spouses,
· 58 percent suffer considerable financial losses,
· About 33% lose their jobs.
· 68% of divorce cases involve one party meeting a new paramour over the internet while
· 56% involve one party having an “obsessive interest” in pornographic websites
Let us look at the statistics regarding the use of the internet:
Every Second:
· 28,258 users are watching pornography on the internet.
· $3,075.64 is being spent on pornography on the internet.
· 372 people are typing the word "adult" into a search engine.
Every Day:
· 37 pornographic videos are created in the United States.
· 2.5 billion Emails containing porn are sent or received.
· 68 million search queries related to pornography- 25% of total searches- are generated.
· 116,000 queries related to child pornography are received.
How Online Pornography Affects Americans
· About 200,000 Americans are classified as “porn addicts.”
· 40 million American people regularly visit porn sites.
· 35% of all internet downloads are related to pornography.
· 34% of internet users have experienced unwanted exposure to pornographic content through ads, pop up ads, misdirected links or emails.
· One-third of porn viewers are women.
· 75% of porn viewers are men.
· Pornography use increases the marital infidelity rate by more than 300%.
· 40 percent of people identified as “sex addicts” lose their spouses, 58 percent suffer considerable financial losses, and about 33% lose their jobs
· 68% of divorce cases involve one party meeting a new paramour over the internet while 56% involve one party having an “obsessive interest” in pornographic websites.
If we look at these statistics, and we look at the revenue generated by these sites, being trillion dollars a year, the media is capitalizing on people’s weaknesses and are pumping pornography to us. It is a giant business generating industry. The porn industry’s annual revenue is more than the NFL, NBA, and MLB combined. It is also more than the combined revenues of ABC, CBS, and NBC.
There are in excess of 24 million porn sites on the internet (about 12% of all sites).
It starts at an early age. It is estimated that children as young as 11 years old (some say 10) is exposed to pornography and by 14 over 90 of them would have been exposed to some form of pornography.
The Christian statistics are even more frightening:
· 70% of Christian youth pastors report that they have had at least one teen come to them for help in dealing with pornography in the past 12 months.
· 68% of church-going men and over 50% of pastors view porn on a regular basis.
· Of young Christian adults 18-24 years old, 76% actively search for porn.
· 59% of pastors said that married men seek their help for porn use.
· 57% of pastors say porn addiction is the most damaging issue in their congregation. And 69% say porn has adversely impacted the church.
· Only 7% of pastors say their church has a program to help people struggling with pornography.
The main questions that I will try and address are:
· Is it a sin to watch pornography?
· What effect does it have on society?
· Can you beat the addiction?
· What is possibly the difficulty of overcoming the addiction?.
1. Is it a sin to watch pornography?
For those of you that will try and justify your looking/addiction to pornography, I have bad news. It is a sin. It is a sexual sin that will scar you for life because sexual sin happens in your body unlike other sin that happens outside your body. Bondages are created.
1 Corinthians 6:18 - 18 Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body.
Galatians 6:7-8 - 7 Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. 8 Whoever sows to please their flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; whoever sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life.
Looking at pornography is to look at the other sex in lust:
Matthew 5:28 - 28 But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
Proverbs 6:32-33 - 32 But a man who commits adultery has no sense; whoever does so destroys himself.33 Blows and disgrace are his lot, and his shame will never be wiped away.
We are to be holy people, dedicated to God. If we are not pure in heart, we are on dangerous grounds to lose the grace and mercy of God:
Matthew 5:8 - 8 “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.
We are commanded by God to put a sin to death. If we do not, pornography is more important to you than the saving grace of Jesus Christ.
Colossians 3:5 - 5 Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry.
It is a transgression of the 10 commandments. Do not commit adultery. You may say but it is not adulterous behavior. I am afraid that you are wrong. Just lusting after a woman is considered by God as adultery:
Matthew 5:28 - 28 But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
The sad reality is that a lot of statistics prove that pornography is in many cases the cause of rape and child abuse. If you are so addicted, the endorphins released changes the physical appearance of the brain. You can become so obsessed living in this dark world of pornography that you may lose control and do things that you have never thought possible:.
Proverbs 25:28 - 28 A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls.
I believe one of the major issues with pornography in men is that they see women as a sex object, expecting their wives to engage in non-acceptable sex. Sex is not love. Some men “force” their wives to look at pornography with them. That does not make it ok. Most married women will tell you they hate it but only do it to keep the peace. Your wife is a precious gift from God. Treat her like that:
Ephesians 5:21 - 21 submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Pornography is a lie. They will tell you that it will improve your marriage sex or outside marriage sexual experience. Lust produces just sex. It will never satisfy you in the long run. Sex without Godly love for your spouse is empty. That is why so many people that are involved in pornography will end up in bizarre sexual conduct, such as swinging and orgies, to satisfy their lust.
1 Corinthians 13:6 - 6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.
It is in God’s perfect plan for us to be sanctified. To become more holy every day. We have to understand that sexual immorality will be punished by God. Even more frightening is if you continue with sin you will not see the kingdom of God.
1 Thessalonians 4:3–7 - 3 For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; 4 that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, 5 not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God; 6 that no one transgress and wrong his brother in this matter, because the Lord is an avenger in all these things, as we told you beforehand and solemnly warned you. 7 For God has not called us for impurity, but in holiness.
1 Corinthians 6:9-11 - 9 Or do you not know that wrongdoers will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor men who have sex with men 10 nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. 11 And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.
2. What effect does it have on society?
Children (From various sources):
From research it is obvious that when children are exposed to pornography, it has devastating effects on children. Pornography and the so-called satisfaction it brings, is a myth. Research shows that early exposure has the following effects:
A primary pornography consumer group is boys between ages 12 - 17. Attorney General's Final Report on Pornography, 1986, pg. 258
· Pornography can be the main source of a young person's sex education. This gives children a false idea of what sexuality is about. Sex was created by God Himself and is supposed to be conducted within marriage.
· The use of pornography by adolescents is associated with stronger permissive sexual attitudes (e.g., premarital sex, casual sex). There is some evidence that exposure to pornography can increase the likelihood of earlier first-time sexual experience, particularly for those adolescents who consume pornography more frequently.
· Pornography can influence, wrongfully, a young person's expectations about sex, for example what young men expect their partners to do and vice versa. It creates the illusion that a woman is a sex object and very demeaning to women.
· It can shape unacceptable sexual practices, with studies finding that young people may try performing common sexual acts seen in dominant hetero pornography such as:
o anal intercourse;
o facial ejaculation;
o sex with multiple partners; and
o deep fellatio.
None of these acts glorifies God in any way. We as children of God must glorify God with our bodies as well. The problem with sex in the wrong way is that it increases the “need” to go further in sexual exploitation when the initial wrongful sex acts become “boring”. The Bible talks about the lust of body.
2 Peter 2:18 - For they mouth empty, boastful words and, by appealing to the lustful desires of the flesh, they entice people who are just escaping from those who live in error.
1 John 2:16 - For everything in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—comes not from the Father but from the world.
· Pornography is also associated with unsafe sexual health practices such as not using condoms and unsafe anal and vaginal sex.
· The content of pornography may reinforce double standards of an active male sexuality and passive female receptacle. It normally displays the male as the aggressor. The word of God talks about mutual respect.
1 Peter 3:7 - Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.
Ephesians 5:21 - Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
· Adolescent pornography use is associated with stronger beliefs in gender stereotypes, particularly for males. Male adolescents who view pornography frequently are more likely to view women as sex objects and to hold sexist attitudes such as women "leading men on".
· Pornography may strengthen attitudes supportive of sexual violence and violence against women. There is evidence of an association between consuming pornography and perpetrating sexual harassment for boys.
· Adolescents who consumed violent pornography were six times more likely to be sexually aggressive compared to those who viewed non-violent pornography or no pornography.
· Explicit sexual material, particularly pornography, impacts young people's wellbeing, sexual practices, attitudes and social relationships. The exposure to explicit sexual content has been associated with polyamory, addiction, poor self-esteem, devalued intimacy, objectification, increasing divorce rates and engagement in unprotected sex. The use of pornography has also been associated with discovering one's own sexuality, reducing repressed feelings about sex and sexuality, being more open-minded to how others express their sexualities and being more open-minded to diverse forms of sex.
· A casual attitude toward sexual violence against women is directly related to pornography consumption.
· More than anything, the pornographic worldview creates a culture of recreational sex. It destroys the basis for intimacy and promotes infidelity for both sexes.
· For children in general, there is a strong indication that the exposure to pornography results in a hyper-sexual view of the world. The subjects tended to have a high rate of devaluing marriage; they are twice as likely to believe that marriage is unimportant.
With the Internet, the reality is that your child will be exposed to pornography, whether intentional or by accident. Our TV and Cinema world blatantly shows sex scenes between unmarried male and female participant. Some which are graphic and a few years ago would have been considered pornography. That is how the world is changing perceptions. It is one of the strategies of the evil one.
Don’t make a scene if you find out your child have been exposed to pornography. Seize the opportunity to start and open discussion about sexuality with your children. Enforce the truth of the Word of God. Explain to them the holiness of sex within the boundaries God has given us in His Word.
Deuteronomy 6:6-8 - 6 These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. 7 Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. 8 Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads.
Deuteronomy 11:18-20 - 18 Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. 19 Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. 20 Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates,
Proverbs 22:6 - Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.
Ephesians 6:4 - Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
Personal note: We did the above with amazing effect on our children. We even used the TV to instill the Godly principles in their minds. The open discussion with them opened many doors of opportunity for us to discuss the issue. Today they in turn instill Biblical principles in their children. The attack on them is very fierce and we must be ready to defend our views. Especially parents should display the Christian lifestyle to their children in what we do. That will convince them that the ways of the Lord are worth following.
Addiction:
Pornography addiction is an addiction model of compulsive sexual activity with concurrent use of pornographic material, despite negative consequences to one's physical, mental, social, or financial well-being. Pornography addiction - Wikipedia
The major problem with pornography is that it results in an addiction that is very difficult for some people to overcome. It then has a detrimental effect on marriages and families:
· Adults admitting to Internet sexual addiction: 10%; 28% of those are women. However, the addiction levels are far higher as it is a “hidden” sin that can be hidden for many years.
· Roger Charman of Focus on the Family's Pastoral Ministries reports that approximately 20 percent of the calls received on their Pastoral Care Line are for help with issues such as pornography and compulsive sexual behavior.
· 7% percent of families said pornography is a problem in their home (Focus on the Family Poll, October 1, 2003).
· The Internet was a significant factor in 2 out of 3 divorces (American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers in 2003 - divorcewizards.com).
· More sophisticated analysis reveals that men who had "purchased pornographic materials in the past year" had significantly lower marital, fathering and family-life satisfaction when compared to those who had not purchased pornographic materials in the past year - National Center for Fathering
· 80% of women who have a husband or partner that has been diagnosed with a sexual addiction suffered from depression in a recent study.
· The percentage of women who developed an eating disorder after discovering the actions of a partner with a sexual addiction: 60%.
· A vast majority of sex addicts will rarely be single and often have a history of cheating within their relationships.
· Sex addiction is not about physical contact but as a way of alleviating pain, relief from depression or anxiety, or a form of escapism, addicts tend to avoid problems through sex.
· Women like to watch lesbian porn more than straight sex. In fact, the word “lesbian” is the top-viewed category for Pornhub’s female viewers.
· Worldwide in 2013, PornHub had over 14 billion hits. That averages to 1.68 million visits per hour the entire year.
· Sunday is the most popular day to watch porn. The least popular day of the year is Thanksgiving.
· A survey of Hilton, Marriot, Hyatt, Sheraton, and Holliday Inn hotels found that almost 70% of their room service profits come from porn movies.
· And many more
Wake up! It destroys not only you but everybody around you. Is it worth it? The evil one will deceive you by saying YES! He is the liar of all times. Having a life totally dedicated to God and not involved in worldly actions such as pornography or illicit sex, is real freedom. No guilty conscience, no regrets. Freedom!
3. Can you beat the addiction?
Yes you can. It may be a very difficult process for many. We must understand that we cannot do it alone. We primarily need Christ and friends that love us that can be very valuable in the process. Through Christ all things are possible! However, the following steps have to occur:
· Admit that it is a sin
The only way sin can begin to be addressed is to admit the sin. We need to be honest with ourselves that we have a problem.\
Galatians 5:19-21 - 19 The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; 20 idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions 21 and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.
1 Corinthians 6:12 - 12 “All things are lawful for me,” but not all things are helpful. “All things are lawful for me,” but I will not be dominated by anything.
Denial of sin, creates an environment in which we will try justify the sin and you will not be able to address it. Be aware of the lie of the evil one that says that it hurts nobody and it is not bad.
· Realize what the end result of your sin is
We need to understand that sinning willfully (doing it whilst you know it is sin) will have disastrous effects on you for eternity.
1 Corinthians 6:8-10 - 8 Instead, you yourselves cheat and do wrong, and you do this to your brothers and sisters. 9 Or do you not know that wrongdoers will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor men who have sex with men 10 nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.
Revelation 21:8 - But the cowardly, the unbelieving, the vile, the murderers, the sexually immoral, those who practice magic arts, the idolaters and all liars—they will be consigned to the fiery lake of burning sulfur. This is the second death.”
It is eternal death. You will not receive forgiveness and you will go to hell. (sorry for the harsh word). Hell is not a pleasant place to be in for eternity. The wrath of God will come down on those that do not know Him.
James 1:15 - Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.
· God commands us to put sin to death
God will not command something that we cannot do. God does not lie.
Colossians 3:5 - 5 Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry.
1 John 2:2 - 2 He is the atoning sacrifice for our sins, and not only for ours but also for the sins of the whole world.
Effectively, the addiction creates an idol that will consume your life.
· The only way to overcome the addiction is through Christ.
Some people may claim that they do not need Christ to overcome the addiction. I believe otherwise. You can go and get “medical” help but the ultimate healer is Christ.
Matthew 19:25-26 - 25 When the disciples heard this, they were greatly astonished and asked, “Who then can be saved?” 26 Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”
Psalm 103:2-4 - 2 Praise the Lord, my soul, and forget not all his benefits—3 who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, 4 who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion,
· God will not ask us to avoid sin if it was not possible
The Bible is the source of truth. God does not lie. We can take Him at His word. He will give us the power to overcome.
1 Thessalonians 4:3–4 - 3 For this is the will of God, your sanctification:2 that you abstain from sexual immorality; 4 that each one of you know how to control his own body 3 in holiness and honor,;
· It is going to take a change of heart
Sin creates a wicked heart. It tends to become a hard heart that will deny the truth. Our hearts and minds need to be changed.
Mark 7:20-22 – 20 He went on: “What comes out of a person is what defiles them. 21 For it is from within, out of a person’s heart, that evil thoughts come—sexual immorality, theft, murder, 22 adultery, greed, malice, deceit, lewdness, envy, slander, arrogance and folly.
Galatians 5:16 – 16 But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh.
· You must allow God to renew your mind so that you can see that it is wrong.
With the evil one next to us whispering in our ears that sin is OK, our minds need to be changed so that we can see sin from God’s perspective. The world around us telling us sin is OK and that you are missing out on life, indoctrinates us to believe it.
Romans 12:2 - Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.
4. What is possibly the difficulty of overcoming the addiction?
· It is a habit that must be broken. To break a habit, takes in excess of 40 days to change. So make yourself aware that it is not an easy road. It will take time.
Philippians 4:13 - 13 I can do all things through him who strengthens me.
1 Corinthians 10:13 - 13 No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and He will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.
·
When people fall in the process of recovery, they tend to give up the struggle. Take courage, it is a struggle but if you really want to succeed, try again and again. Ignore the lie of the evil one that you will never succeed.
Proverbs 3:5–6 - 5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. 6 In all your ways acknowledge Him, and he will make straight your paths.
· Admit your sin and repent. No forgiveness can be done without repentance. You need to admit that you have disappointed God and damaged His glory. True repentance gives us forgiveness.
1 John 1:9 - 9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
Acts 10:43 - All the prophets testify about Him that everyone who believes in Him receives forgiveness of sins through his Name.”
Ephesians 1:7 - In Him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace.
· You are not a child of God. This is key to overcome this kind of addiction. God is there to help us overcome. He gives forgiveness. He gives you His Holy Spirit to lead you in the Truth and guide your steps. He gives us the power to overcome.
Colossians 1:9-15 - 9 For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you. We continually ask God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all the wisdom and understanding that the Spirit gives,[a] 10 so that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, 11 being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, 12 and giving joyful thanks to the Father, who has qualified you[b] to share in the inheritance of his holy people in the kingdom of light. 13 For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, 14 in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.
Acts 2:38 - Peter replied, “Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. And you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.
· You need to make the decision to stop the addiction. All that God asks is the first step in the process. Thereafter He will assist you. Without making this decision, you will never break the addiction. A lot of people do not want to stop the addiction as they like the sin.
Ephesians 3:16 - 16 that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being,
· Lack of an accountability partner. You need someone that you can trust to take part in the journey. They must check on you how you are doing at least weekly. They must be able to encourage you along the way. We have all sinned and have battled to overcome. This kind of process will make you aware that someone will check up on you and will help you resist the temptation and pick you up when you have fallen back onto the old habit. .
James 5:16 - 16 Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.
· Pear pressure from people that do not know God. It is easy to bow down to peer pressure. We all have the need to belong. You need to stand up to that peer pressure or leave these so-called friends. You will find it difficult to change your bad habit if continuously being faced with their lifestyle. Like Joseph did: Get out and run! The friends we need are friends that will build us up, not destroy us.
Ephesians 3:20 - 20 Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us,
2 Peter 2:19 - 19 They promise them freedom, but they themselves are slaves of corruption. For whatever overcomes a person, to that he is enslaved.
· Not changing your environment. You need to change e.g. where you use your computer. Most men place it in their study where they know they will not be disturbed. Place your computer in full sight of the family. This will preclude you from being “safe” in your sin. My computer is in full sight where my wife can at any time see what I am doing. I have no problem with that as I am not busy with anything I need to hide from her.
James 1:5 - 5 If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.
· Not involving your wife in the process. I know this is a difficult process and can have negative effects in your relationship with your wife. However if your wife really loves you, she will be part of the solution. In fact wives are the strongest protector of their husbands, not just for pornography, but also for infidelity. And don’t get angry when she checks up on you. Trust takes a long time to re-build. Have patience with your wife. She checks on you because she loves you!
Genesis 2:18 - The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”
· You love your habit more than God. This is in all probability the worst acknowledgment that you have to make. Because; if you loved God as your first and only priority, you will not be involved in pornography. Your habit has effectively become an idol in your life. God is a jealous God and is a consuming fire. If you want to see the Kingdom of God, you need to crucify your idols and follow God. You need to do as He asks you. Sanctify yourself. He will help you.
Psalm 119:11 - 11 I have stored up your word in my heart that I might not sin against you.
· You do not fill your mind with “other things. You need to replace your pornographic thoughts. Reading a book, listen to Christian music, go and jog, swim, go to a Bible study group etc.
Philippians 4:8 - 8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.
Remember:
John 8:31-33 - 31 To the Jews who had believed him, Jesus said, “If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. 32 Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”
Titus 3:3-5 - 3 At one time we too were foolish, disobedient, deceived and enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures. We lived in malice and envy, being hated and hating one another. 4 But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, 5 he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit.
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